6 More Years

Warning - This is not a happy post.

I have struggled with writing here lately, because I didn't want to write about the sad events that had been dominating my thoughts. But today I feel the need to throw some emotion out to the world, so here goes.

Today at lunch, I read an article about a man (a young father) who had recently been diagnosed with lung cancer. The article took a very positive spin, pointing out that this guy was strong, "healthy", and had a great attitude. But as I read on, I found myself analyzing the state of the man's acceptance of his disease...one of the comments he made was, "I think I can control this outcome." I understand fighting...I understand positive thinking. But at the risk of sounding cruel, I wanted to say, "You have very little control here. Your life has changed...you need to get used to that fact."

In the face of a very serious diagnosis, there are so many different ways of getting yourself out of bed in the morning. I would never want to take away some one's coping mechanism, but is it really valuable to say and/or believe things that fly in the face of medical reason? Did my sister succumb to cancer because she didn't try hard enough to beat it? His wife says, "I don't necessarily find some of those stories about living six years very comforting right now." Well, we went through that too. When P was diagnosed, I looked up the odds of survival. Five percent probability of five more years. Even the best case scenario sounded awful. Right now, eight months later, we would give anything for just one or two more years...even one more Christmas would be nice.

So, I will try to live each day with the knowledge that there are no guarantees. My daily decisions are only a part of my life journey...most of the facets of this universe are out of my control. I couldn't save my sister, but I am still here. I'm going to wrap my Christmas presents, eat lots of holiday treats, and kiss my husband at midnight on New Year's Eve, thankful that I've been given the time on earth to do it.