Been Schooled

Today, G'ma Millie-moo (that's what E calls my mother-in-law) and E were sitting at the table painting with watercolors. G'ma commented, "For all she's learning, it's like you're homeschooling her!" While I'm sure that E is learning while she's with me, I doubt that this "school" would be accredited. Check out the classes and see what you think...

Art - This class involves a lot of contact paper, glue sticks, tissue paper, crayons, paint, and stickers. It's mostly a free-for-all, and grade is based on the number of items stuck to the table at the conclusion of the class. E excels in this subject, though most of her compositions are monochromatic (unless mommy hides the purple paint).

Art 2 - You'll like this one, because it takes place in the bathtub. Grab a bottle of soap-paint and squirt it all over yourself. Mix the colors and rub, rub, rub until all the bubbles disappear, then repeat. Again, E excels.

Math - For this class, you will be required to count everything. Count your raisins, the magnets on the refrigerator, the cats, but especially the stairs to the basement. E is pretty good up to the number 13, and then things go south. She then repeats the number 17 indefinitely. (By the way, there are only 3 cats and 11 stairs...so why does she get to 13 at all?)

Music - Learn the classics...you know, your ABC's, the "Theme to WonderPets", and that original showstopper, "Who's That Baby on the Floor?" E has pretty good pitch, but her lyrics need work. Jingle Bells sounds like this..."Jingle cat, jingle cat, jingle away! Oh fun a wide a sleigh-hey!" It's not her fault. The instructors introduced her to the "Jingle Cats" variation too soon.

Reading - Just listen to the instructors read you books every night before bed. If you can, fill in the last word or phrase of every sentence, when prompted. You will enjoy "The Very Hungry Caterpillar," because the last phrase is the same on almost every page..."...he was still hungry!" E gets an A+ in this class. If she doesn't know the missing phrase, she makes something up, and it's usually better than the original. And she knows EVERYTHING that the caterpillar eats, including "One slice of salami."

History - Try to remember what happened yesterday, this morning, or two minutes ago...there's room for creativity and time travel in this class. If you ask E where she went today, she is apt to say, "Go seum." Translated, that is "We went to the museum," which we did several weeks ago. Ask her what happened on "Max and Ruby," and she'll recount the entire episode.

So maybe you can call this home a school...anybody want an enrollment form? Tuition is cheap, the instructors are friendly, and grades are curved...but remember, you'll be up against our prize student, our genius, our E. Better memorize "Brown Bear, Brown Bear." She already has that one down.